Should I write out the whole eulogy?

Yes, once. Writing it out is how you figure out what you want to say. Then cut it down to cards, so up there you’re glancing at a line and not reading a page.

Then you cry. Nobody expects you to get through it without feeling it. Stop, breathe, and pick up at the next card.

Can someone else read it if I can’t?

Yes, and it’s worth arranging ahead of time. Give a copy to somebody you trust. The free cue card maker prints a deck they can pick up and read from.

Is it OK to be funny in a eulogy?

If they were funny, yes. Stories about them usually land. Jokes about the day usually don’t.

How to write a eulogy, and get through saying it

Most of what you find online is examples: somebody else’s words about somebody else’s person. What helps more is the shape. What goes first, what goes last, how long it runs, and how you get it out loud when your voice isn’t cooperating.

The shape a eulogy usually takes

Five parts. Each one is a card you write over in your own words.

01
Who they were to me
Start with how you knew them. It tells the room which version of this person they’re about to hear about.
02
The one story only I can tell
One story told well does more than a list of good qualities. Pick the one nobody else in the room could tell.
03
What they taught without saying it
The habit, the phrase, the way they always did a thing. This is usually where the room starts nodding.
04
What we carry from here
Turn it toward the people listening. What of this person keeps going in them.
05
Thank you for being here
Keep it short. Thank the room, and sit down.

How long should a eulogy be?

Three to five minutes, unless the family has asked for more. At a normal speaking pace that’s roughly 400 to 650 words.

It’ll feel short while you’re writing it. It won’t feel short standing up there. If more than one person is speaking, ask how long the service runs and split it fairly.

How to start a eulogy

Skip the dictionary definition and skip “we are gathered here.” Say your name and how you knew them, then go straight to something true about them.

The first line is the hardest one to get out, so make it one you could say even if your voice breaks.

Saying it without reading it

Grief makes reading harder. Your eyes blur, you lose the line, and the page starts to shake.

Write it out in full once, then cut it to one thought per card, big enough to read at arm’s length. Put the names and anything you have to get exactly right on their own cards. Mark the spots where you’ll want a breath: in PalmCue, anything in [square brackets] shows up small and dim, a note to you and not a line to say.

Say it out loud at least twice before the day. Once to find out how long it runs, and once to hear where you stumble.

If you break down, stop. Nobody in that room is in a hurry. Breathe, find your card, and keep going.

Questions

Should I write out the whole eulogy?: Yes, once. Writing it out is how you figure out what you want to say. Then cut it down to cards, so up there you’re glancing at a line and not reading a page.
What if I cry?: Then you cry. Nobody expects you to get through it without feeling it. Stop, breathe, and pick up at the next card.
Can someone else read it if I can’t?: Yes, and it’s worth arranging ahead of time. Give a copy to somebody you trust. The free cue card maker prints a deck they can pick up and read from.
Is it OK to be funny in a eulogy?: If they were funny, yes. Stories about them usually land. Jokes about the day usually don’t.

Get it onto cards

Paste your draft into the free cue card maker and you'll have cards in a minute, ready to print. PalmCue puts the same cards on your phone, moved with one thumb, with a silent buzz if you run long. $0.99 when it's out.

Make the cards