How to keep a conversation going
Questions keep a conversation alive. Stories are what fill it. The trick is having a couple ready before the quiet shows up.
Why conversations stall
Usually it isn’t that nobody has anything to say. It’s that everyone is waiting for someone else to go first. Questions help, but a string of them starts to feel like an interview.
What breaks it is somebody offering something. A short story does that. It gives the other person something to react to, and more often than not it reminds them of one of their own.
What to do when it goes quiet
Four moves, in the order they usually work.
- 1
Follow up on the last thing they said
The easiest next line is already on the table. “Wait, how did that happen?” works almost every time.
- 2
Go first with something small
A thirty-second story about your week, a trip that went sideways, something a kid said. Small is fine. It’s an opening, not a performance.
- 3
Hand it back
End your story with a way in for them, like “has that ever happened to you?” Then stop talking.
- 4
Have three ready
Before a dinner, pick three stories you could tell. That’s what the app’s 3 for tonight does: it deals you three from your own deck, the ones you haven’t told lately first.
An awkward silence isn’t a disaster
A few seconds of quiet feels long from the inside. It usually isn’t. Take a breath before you rush to fill it.
If it keeps going, that’s when a story helps. You don’t need the perfect one. You need one you can tell in under a minute.
Questions
- How do you keep a conversation going?
- Follow up on what the other person just said, then offer something of your own. A short story works better than another question, because it gives them something to react to and usually reminds them of one of theirs.
- What do you say when a conversation dies?
- Go back to something they mentioned earlier and ask about it, or tell a short story about your own week. Either one gives the other person an easy way back in.
- How do I get better at small talk?
- Have a few stories ready before you need them. Most small talk dies because nobody wants to go first. If you’ve got a story that’s thirty seconds long, you can go first.
Write the first line down
That One Time keeps your stories on your phone, one line each, and deals you one when the table goes quiet. $0.99 once, no account, no ads. It’s in review with the stores now.
Tell me when it’s out